I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
