it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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