dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize