I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
