Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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