Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
