Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
