I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
