Umm I'm too high to move.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Never joke about your clitoris.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
