do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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