I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize