don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
