Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
