Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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