I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
