Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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