I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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