Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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