So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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