STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
