i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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