4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
