If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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