boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize