I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
