She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
