So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
