Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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