I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
