I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
His nipple licking is glorious
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