Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
