party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
