i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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