I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
