So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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