dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
operation harelip BJ is a go
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
