first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
