I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
