Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you never un-have a 4some
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