he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
