Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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