I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
