Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
