So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
