Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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