Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Boobs are out for the taking
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
