I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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