he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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