just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
