so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
