Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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