Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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