i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
