i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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