wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
