Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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