I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
