He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
