You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
