Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
