i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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