i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
