Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
