I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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