Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
